


i have a question

by cakesandpuppies (someonesaveme)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, No Plot/Plotless, Where was i even going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:12:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4426199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonesaveme/pseuds/cakesandpuppies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin and Regina have a problem with--well--y'know and Robin goes to Killian for some advice. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Emma and Regina find out something new as well. [nothing explicit, just a bit of dumb humor]</p>
            </blockquote>





	i have a question

Robin sits down at the booth next to Killian. Emma immediately stops chatting and looks over her boyfriend's shoulder at Robin, who stays completely silent. He opens his mouth a few times, as if to say something, only to snap it shut again. Killian side-eyes the archer and signals the bartender to bring their group another beer.

"Here, my friend," Killian says, sliding the fresh bottle over at Robin, "You look like you need this."

"I slept with Regina. I don't know what to do," Robin says, except it was so rushed and panicked that it all came out as one big jumble instead of separate words.

"Oh," Killian says, "Good... job?"

"Wait, what?" Emma asks, confused, "You're a thing now, right? What's the problem?"

Robin turns a little red and shuts up again. He looks pleadingly at Killian, who just looks a bit confused with the entire conversation. 

"Oh, okay," Emma says, getting out of her seat, "This is a bro-bonding thing. I get it."

"No, please Miss Swan, don't leave on my account," Robin tells her. She waves him off and smiles.

"It's fine. It's fine. I'll send my dad over and you three can bro-hug it out together. I was gonna go to the bathroom anyways."

Killian looks even more confused.

"What is this 'bro-hug'?"

Emma pats him on the shoulder and gives him a peck on the cheek. She then makes her way through the crowded bar over to where her parents are both sitting. Killian turns to Robin, looking a mix of concerned and annoyed. Concerned for his friend, annoyed his date was interrupted.  _Again_. 

"What is it, mate?" Killian asks. He uncaps his flask and takes a sip.

Robin takes a deep breath.

"Does Emma like it rough?"

David, who had just sat down, promptly fell out of his seat. Killian's eyes get as wide as saucers and he fumbles a bit with his flask. 

" _Wh-what?_ " Killian yells, outraged, "Pardon me, mate, but I don't really see how that's any of you business--!"

"No!  **No,** " Robin quickly cuts the irate pirate off, "Not asking for details. I only ask because..."

Robin pauses.

"Because..." David prompts, dragging himself back onto his seat.

"Because Regina does," Robin says, leaning in and whispering to his companions, "Rougher than I've ever thought possible. My entire body was one big bruise after our little tryst in the vault."

Killian looks slightly horrified and David looks like he'd gladly fall out of his chair again just to get away from this conversation.

"Why... why are you telling us this?" Killian asks after a long, awkward silence. 

"Yes, please. Tell us why," David says, taking a giant swig of his beer. 

"Because I didn't know what to do," Robin admits, still whispering, "I felt like a stupid child, fumbling around. It was amazing, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't doing much of anything. And I think that's just how Regina does it so I'd better get ready now that we're official. And then I thought--well--if there's anyone who knows how to get rough in bed, it'd be Captain Hook!"

"Oh you are asking the wrong person. Emma tells me he practically treats her like a precious museum artifact. A perfect gentleman. Makes sense, given his manners and all."

All three men look up to see Ruby grinning down on them with her most wolvish smile.

"So, her majesty likes it a little rough, huh? I  _knew_ it."

"You knew it?" Robin asks.

"Emma tells you about these things?!" Killian asks.

"Yes she does and yes I did. Think about it, Robin. This is the  _Evil Queen_ we're talking about. You don't laugh in the face of violence and torture and not let that filter into your sex life a little."

"She's changed," Robin tells Ruby, furrowing his brow in upset.

"Oh, calm down," Ruby tells him, "We _all_ know she has. But changing lifestyle and changing sex-style are two different things. A queen is a queen is a queen. She probably likes you letting her do the work. Regina  _likes_ being in charge. Why do you think she's the mayor? She's good at it. Do  _you_ like it?"

"Yes, of course," Robin says, "But it's just... so..."

"Emasculating?" Ruby teases.

"Scary?" David offers.

"New. Marian wasn't..."

Ruby nods and they all sit and let Robin stew over his thoughts for a bit. 

"Well," Killian says, breaking the silence, "I'm sorry but I really can't help you, mate."

"What? The infamous Captain Hook is shy about his sexual encounters?" David teases.

"Believe it or not, back in my proper time and place we believed in something called **privacy**. In fact, whenever I brought a woman on board, I'd make me crew clear off for a few. But I really can't help you, mate, because I haven't the slightest how to get overly rough with a woman in bed. Not like you're describing."

"You could shoot them, sword fight them, but couldn't get rough?" Ruby asks, amused.

"Going at it with someone and  _going at it_ with someone are two different things, love. I can still fight with the best of them, but  _this_ is supposed to be a relaxing thing. A little enthusiasm never hurts, but a few bruises here and there is more than enough for me, thanks. You should know this about me, Hood. After all, we..."

Robin made a desperate grab at Killian in an attempt to shut him up, but it was too late. The damage was done. Ruby has never before looked more like a wolf than at this moment.

"No. No way. You and him?"

"Yes, has he not told you?" Killian asks.

"No! No of course not!" Robin yells at yhe same time.

"When?"

"Oh, many years back, love. About a year or so before the first curse."

Robin groaned and settled his face into his hands. David had inconspicuously left at some point in time. Retreated to his wife and child. Lucky ass.

"And you boys never told me?"

"Well it's not like it's a big secret. We were locked in the same brig for a bit. When me crew came to get me, I let him out too and we celebrated."

"Emma!" Ruby calls out across the room, "You have  **got** to hear this!"

* * *

 

"So," Regina says, slipping her hand into Robin's, "You and  **Hook**?"

Up head, Emma barks out a laugh, startling her walking partner. 

"Why is everyone so surprised by this?" Killian asks, "Honestly, you'd think I wasn't 300 years old. I didn't spend three centuries never experimenting."

"Oh don't get all affronted on me, pirate-boy," Regina snaps back, "I'm just saying..."

"Just saying what, dear?" Robin asks, curious about the way she trailed off at the end.

Regina turns bright red and Emma laughs even harder.

"She's saying it's  **hot**. You know, steamy.  _Sexy_. Regina here's got a naughty imagination."

Even Killian agrees later on that the fireball was completely justified. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was born out of my headcanon that Regina really likes to get rough with her partners and Killian doesn't really. I mean, Regina just has that air and that aura about her. Whereas Killian kind of just feels like he'd be really vanilla or teasing.


End file.
